Mikey Update 5/27/10

Caution for young eyes: Brief mentions of male anatomy, though I tried to code it a little.

We went to the pediatrician Tuesday and Wednesday.  I thought Mikey might have an infection somewhere on or in his man parts because they forcibly retracted him to put in a catheter (not necessary, but many American health professionals don't know what to do with an intact peeper).  Other than some bruising and a probably yeast infection, he's fine.  The doctor doesn't think there is any permanent damage.  For more information on circumcision, please visit the following sites:

http://www.drmomma.org/
http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/

We managed to get into a cancelled spot for our modified barium swallow today (to check for aspiration, which we suspect was caused by the vascular ring).  Thank God for small favors; the next opening was in July.  I'll give you the abridged version here.  Mikey cried and fought and wouldn't take the barium willingly.  After some really ridiculous generalizations from the speech pathologist and a big fight on my end, they found a workaround, and Mikey passed with flying colors.  With yet more ridiculous reasoning, the speech pathologist refused to sign off on feeding Mikey by mouth.  She said it was up to the pediatrician.  She recommended we wait for guidance from the speech pathologist who does our evaluation for feeding therapy, and the pediatrician agreed.  It will likely be days before we can even schedule the evaluation, and I have no idea what kind of availability they'll have.  So now we wait again...

How can God let bad things happen?

A friend inspired me to raise a question: do you see any conflict in this reasoning?

God is all powerful, but He doesn't ALLOW bad things to happen to us; they just do.

 
This friend is one of many people in my life who feel this way.  A minister, in fact, reprimanded me in front of the entire women's ministry for believing God allows bad things to happen.  I was alone in my beliefs that night, with 15-20 church ladies staring at me in horror and disbelief.
 
I get uncomfortable when Christians argue that God isn't responsible for bad things because that means they don't believe He is in complete control, regardless of how much they argue they do.  The problem is people don't want to believe God would allow bad things to happen.  I understand that; it's in conflict with the idea of a loving God.  However, I feel much better knowing He allowed something to happen to me than thinking bad things just come along.  At least I know he preselected my bad thing knowing I could handle it.  What's more, how could we possibly appreciate God's mercy and grace or even acknowledge that we need God if nothing bad ever happened?
 
I speak nowhere near as eloquently on this topic as my friend, Jen, so I encourage you to visit her blog and read her take on the matter.
 
Itsy Bitsy Family: How can God let bad things happen?
 
Life: God dishes it out, so I have to trust Him with my portion.

Maybe I'm doing something right?

Three times this year I have been blatantly attacked by demons.  (I know you're thinking I'm nuts right about now, but bear with me.)  They grip my body when I'm not fully awake and hold it hostage.  I cannot move nor speak, and since I'm not fully awake, I'm limited in what I can try to do outside my mind.  All I can do is pray once it's over.

On February 20, I thought I heard Ellie over the monitor, but I immediately realized what it was: a demon.  I braced myself, pushing back in my chair, right as it slammed me back into the chair.  (I don't know how I knew to sit back, but I'm glad I did!)  By this time, the sound was like deafening static.  I was conscious of Mikey sleeping in my arms and grateful that the attack targeted only me.  I previously have tried to call out to Mike, hoping he can rouse me, but I'm unable to get sound to come out of my mouth, even once I can open my mouth.  (I can't move at all at first.)  Then I try to hit myself or something, anything, to break free.  I'm never really moving, and I come to just as I regain movement in my somewhat-unconscious mind.  The "thing" leaves me as quickly as it comes, and all is peaceful again.

I didn't try to call out to Mike this morning because he'd just left.  The attack happened literally as soon as the bedroom door latched behind him.  I came to moments before he left the house.  Knowing Mike was not there, I called to Jesus.  (At least that doesn't require the ability to speak!)  The "thing" left me more quickly, like being sucked into a vacuum.  I don't think that's a coincidence.

That night I was musing about how it only happens in partial consciousness.  I figure that's how they get in - through dreams.  I remember a pastor on the radio recounting a time when it happened to him - same thing, no ability to move or speak or breathe freely.  His story helps me to know I'm not crazy.  I can't fear it happening again, though, or it certainly will, this peculiar type of enemy attack.

(If you don't already think I'm nuts, keep reading...I'm sure you'll get there.)

My most recent attack was actually a waking attack.  I was in my closet going through my journal, recounting my experiences in my head, and just as I was about to put two Godspeaks together, I heard a very freaky noise.  It sounded like a cat crying in our bathroom.  I couldn't make out what it was, and it was so weird I got up to check it out.  As I got to the doorway between the bathroom and bedroom, the sound suddenly became Ellie's crying through the monitor.  Now, I KNOW that wasn't the sound I heard.  Had it been Ellie crying, I would have finished my thought first, because the type of cry was that of a lost pacifier, not that of an emergency.  I knew right then that something had lured me away from my journal to keep me from finishing my thought.  I was a little scared, though, because I didn't know if Ellie really had cried or if the "thing" had imitated her crying to try to throw me off its path.  Then it occurred to me that if it was Ellie crying, the "thing" had probably made her cry.  Mama bear mode kicked in.  These "things" have never gone after my children before!  I went into her room to check on her, and she was sleeping like a log...no sign whatsoever of having been awake and crying just moments before.  I will always wonder if that "thing" really made her cry or just imitated her, and I don't know what is more disturbing to me.

I went back into my bedroom and almost crawled into bed, but then I remembered that I'd been about to discover something.  I thought that I really needed to go to bed, but then my brain shot back, "That's what it wanted!"  I went back to my closet and finished what I'd started, feeling a little powerful because I hadn't let the "thing" beat me.

Most of these attacks happen the nights I write one of these posts in my journal and plan to post it the next day.  Incidentally, my computer also breaks whenever I'm about to post this particular article (so I'm using Mike's computer...I hope these "things" don't go after Mike's computer now!).  Also, our dishwasher was having issues for weeks while I was trying to write this post, and the air conditioner broke in my car.  Sure, you could argue that these are coincidences.  I feel safer assuming they're not.  You know, staying aware and all that...

Even as I type this post, there is a strange noise in my house that steals my attention and, as I suspected, is not coming from anyone or anything that belongs in my house.

Since these attacks, I've done a little Internet research and found the semi-wakeful attacks to be not uncommon.  They describe my experiences perfectly.  My research led me to how demons are invited in and how to get them out.  For weeks after the attack on February 20, I felt a presence on the ottoman of my chair, sitting there in wait.  I decided to try out a statement suggested on one of the sites, demanding the demon leave:

"I now command you to leave me right now, and you are to never, ever come back on me again. GO NOW – in the name of Jesus Christ! I repeat – GO NOW in the name of Jesus Christ!”

(from Battle Command Against Demonic Spirits, also a great site that relates well to my experiences)

I felt a little silly, but I meant it just the same.

I didn't feel anything right away, but, again, I was feeling silly.  Over the next few days, the presence I felt started to more closely resemble a memory; I still feel emotions when I walk by the ottoman, but I don't feel the ominousness that I did.

I know nobody likes to talk about demonic attacks for many reasons.  I think it's important, though, especially for evangelical Christians who might be discouraged if they don't understand what's happening.  There is no reason to fear these demons because we have Jesus to protect us.  I just think I must be doing something right to be a target...and of such a specific, obvious attack.

[Just in case you were curious, here's the discovery I was in the process of making (it's insignificant to anyone but me, but to me it's huge): My sadness about not nursing doesn't linger now after my wrestling match with God.  I was still sad after that conversation, but I wasn't angry or confused or any of the other negative emotions I felt.  At this point, I thought the sadness was still there because I expected it to be there.  I just realized that it had gone; God had replaced it with peace and acceptance.]

Let God Work

Last night I felt God put it on my heart to send out a call to action on facebook: 40 Days of Prayer for Illegal Immigration.  I had visions of a snowball effect, hundreds of people agreeing to join in.  I thought this just might be the unifying event necessary to effect change, on however small a level.

Sure, I expected many of my invitees to decline, but I was surprised by a few of the first to do so.  These are people who I know pray at least daily; yet they can't commit to saying a prayer a day for 40 days?  Then my self-consciousness trigger was pulled: Do they think I'm asking them to support or oppose the new immigration law?  Certainly not, since I negated that in the description, but what if they didn't read the description?  My mind started going all sorts of bad places, from anger to paranoia to disappointment.  I even began to question whether God's hand was in this at all.

Suddenly I felt the aforementioned peace wash over me.  I knew right then that God would do with it what He'll do with it.  He did put the idea in my head, but the "snowball effect" was all my creation.  Let God work.  I have to remind myself of this often.

The devil definitely knows how to push my buttons.  This out-of-control negativity spiral of doubt and judgment started not two hours after I'd posted the event.  It's a good thing I keep in constant touch with God so He can set me straight.

Let God work.  Let God work.  Let God work.

I think I found a new watchword.

Too busy to be happy?

Why is it we often make the choice to ignore what makes us happy?  Sometimes we overfill our schedules.  Sometimes we feel obligated to do extra chores or favors for other people.  Sometimes we just choose to stay where we are.  We do all this while our happy buttons blink desperately to be pressed.

I love to read.  I'm happy if the only chance I have to read is while I'm on the potty; at least I'm getting some reading in.  Lately, though, I've been choosing to play Sudoku during these rare moments.  I tell myself that I like Sudoku, too, and it requires less concentration, and I'm really tired and don't want to engage my brain, and...

...and then my library books are due with no more renewals and I sadly drop them into the box.

I also love to write.  Sometimes I write a couple of words, other times I write pages and pages of stories or revelations or freewriting.  (Most of my writing is really freewriting.)  At the very least, I write down the daily happenings with the kids I want never to forget.  The latter is quite important to me, yet I haven't done that in over a month.  What do I do instead?  I watch TV and play on the internet.  I tell myself that I like TV and the internet, too, and they require less concentration, and I'm really tired and don't want to engage my brain, and...

...and I don't remember any of the cute things my children have done or firsts they've had in the last month, and I didn't write them down.

My writing really picked up when my computer was at the doctor instead of distractingly sitting next to me all evening.  I told myself that when I got it back I wouldn't fall into the same bad habits (read: addictions).  I hoped that when my computer had to go back to the doctor I'd take the second chance to change bad habits.  Instead I use the internet on my cell phone.

I feel like I'm stuck in a vicious cyclone of uselessness.  I want to get rid of the TV and all my online memberships.  Well, except for my blog... and email... oh, and I keep touch with people on facebook... and Mike and I don't watch that much TV... wait, I know that's a lie... but he'd never agree to it... but... but... but...

I hate the word "but."

There's one more thing that makes me happy: reading God's word.  Actually, it's the only thing I really need.  It's as important as eating and breathing and exercising and sleeping.  But I don't do it because... because... I DON'T KNOW!  I have no reason!

Why do we do this to ourselves?  I know some people think, "It's too late to become a professional [fill in the blank], so why bother doing it at all?"  Um, hello?!  Because it makes you happy!  Others think, "I don't have time to do something just for me."  (Mothers, do you see yourselves here?)  Duh!  You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself!  I often think, "I need to sleep, and if I start I'll be at it for a while."  Why the all-or-nothing attitude?

One friend listens to audio books while she goes for a walk with her kids.  Other friends have Bible study playdates.  (I've done that, too, but we have yet to find our momentum.)  I won't tell you what to do, but I am going to hide the Sudoku, turn off the TV, invest in some more journals and pens and make a commitment to myself to do the things I love, 1 minute at a time or hours, should I get so lucky an opportunity.

Never too old

I love the way bubbles
  tickle the skin

     Twirling around,
       arms in the air

          catching the bubbles
            as they float

               up up up

Love song to a lover or a child?

As a babywearing mama, I'm moved to vote child.

Love Me Tender
by Ken Darby

Love me tender,
love me sweet,
never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
and I love you so.

Love me tender,
love me true,
all my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin' I love you,
and I always will.

Love me tender,
love me long,
take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
and we'll never part.

Love me tender,
love me dear,
tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
till the end of time.

(When at last my dreams come true
Darling this I know
Happiness will follow you
Everywhere you go.)

Life in verse

I love quotes. Sometimes I feel I'm copping out by selecting a quote rather than writing original verse. I mean, it's easy to take something beautiful and say it applies to your life, but then, are you really inspired by your life if you can't come up with something beautiful yourself?

In the movie "You've Got Mail," Kate wrote, "Sometimes I wonder about my life...So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?" Part of me says, "good point," while another part of me says, "that's true for me, and I don't see anything wrong with that!" I do, however, also see life in books. Does that make me better than Kate, or is she just missing that side of her experience; she really does see life in books, but books are so intertwined with her life that she doesn't notice?

"Pilgrims are poets who create by taking journeys."

~ Richard Niebuhr, theologian

I think language is all poetry, and I think life is all poetry. All the elements build on each other and play against each other in a sort of dance or song...beauty. Even when the poetry is sad or angry or violent...it all has its place.

Therefore, what is verse but a reflection of life itself? Is it wrong to use someone else's verse to illustrate my life? Am I cheating by utilizing someone else's strengths - skill with written or spoken word - to enhance my strengths or define my weaknesses or simply enhance my experience?

I've been reading Traveling with Pomegranates, a wonderful, true book about a mother's journey and a daughter's journey and how they are intertwined. Both women are writers by nature, and it seems as though the written word is so much a part of their existences that they cannot help but let it seep into everything they think and do. Certainly they write some wonderful words themselves, but so many of their self realizations are brought about by creations of other writers, whole stories or even a small phrase buried in the thick of a poem.

We use songs to define moments in our lives: a relationship, our youth, a bride's dance with her father. We are not expected to write a song to capture each of those moments. In fact, often the association with the song is because the song spoke to us on a personal level or seeped into our subconscious and took root in the memory.

I could circle around this subject for hours. (Who am I kidding? I have.) So I'll just throw it out to the universe and see what comes back. For now, I'll stick to collecting my favorite quotes and drawing inspiration from all that is around me.

A Secret Club?

The episode of 19 Kids and Counting on 2/17/10 really tugged at my heartstrings. I realized that you sort of join a secret club when your child is born with a life-threatening health condition. I'm always praying for my kids and those of loved ones, and now I'm going to add us parents. Our kids smile and laugh and don't have a clue what's going on. But we have to endure all the unanswered questions and anticipate the tests and doctor visits and brace ourselves for the possibilities of bad news while hoping for the best news. That's horribly taxing. This is a time when all I can say is thank God for God! I don't know how I'd get through without Him.

Pillow Pets Giveaway at The Cloth Diaper Report

Ellie has a giant lion pillow that she absolutely loves, so when I saw a Pillow Pets review and giveaway on The Cloth Diaper Report, I knew I had to get in on it! I have no idea which animal would be Ellie's favorite. At first, I thought the duck, but the purple hippo and ladybug are just her style, too! These are super cute and useful, too! Which one is your favorite?

Putumayo Giveaway at The Cloth Diaper Report

I absolutely LOVE Putumayo World Music. I've owned several of their cds for years, and I'd love to collect them all! The Cloth Diaper Report is giving away their new Rhythm & Blues album. I previewed it on their website, and it's a lot of fun. Give it a listen and then scoot over to The Cloth Diaper Report and enter for your chance to win!

Moby Wrap Giveaway Courtesy of Otherhood

I am just dying to get my hands on a Moby Wrap. I am sure it will be the wrap that Mikey likes (having rejected both the ring sling - that I loved with Ellie - and the Mei Tai). It's so versatile that I know it will support his head until he gets it stable, and I'll be able to use it for a long, long time. Visit Otherhood for your chance to win!

Storytimes

I am really into planning themed storytimes. I was introduced to the idea by my moms group and I've taken it and run with it. I planned a Read for the Record storytime last October and one for the Where the Wild Things Are movie release. We always read at least one story and do at least one craft, and sometimes we throw in songs or other activities.


The 2009 Read for the Record book was Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar. We read the story and then made sock puppets!




Where the Wild Things Are came out in October, but we put off the storytime until November because of all my baby planning. We would have read the book, but the kids weren't interested, so we jumped right to the mask making.



In February, we planned to learn about ladybugs. Again, the little ones were antsy, so we jumped right to the puppets. We did watch the Ladybug Picnic video, though!

I have lots of ideas for future storytimes, and I'm very excited to execute them.

Challenge Update

I can tell you right now my office isn't getting done this month. The laundry room, however, is right on track! We bought all the shelving last night, cut to size, complete with hardware. Now if I can just get Mike to install it...



I also bought lots of (cheap) clear plastic bins for sorting things on the higher shelves, like Mike's tools. I'm hoping they are see-through enough that we can spot what we need from down below. I found them, by the way, for buy one get one free at CVS tonight! $13.00 for four medium and 8 shoebox. Score!

I have been issued a challenge...

...and I have accepted.

A wonderful resource, I'm an Organizing Junkie, has issued a challenge to her readers to organize and, thus, transform a small space and/or a whole room during the month of February. I happened upon this challenge late (today) because my computer was in the shop the first half of this month. I'm not behind, though, because I had actually set a goal for myself to organize one of my rooms this month anyway!

I can't promise that I'll finish the room this month, but I'm going to really try. I can promise to finish my small space, though, since I've been planning it for months! Well, I will if I can get my hubby to hang shelves for me. Below are pictures of the two spaces. I regret not taking pictures before I started, but they're bad enough that you'll get the idea.

My first space, which I consider a small space, is my laundry room. I have great plans for additional shelving in here, since there is A LOT of wasted space. I want to get all the supplies off the floor for two main reasons: safety and ease of cleaning when water ends up on the floor (like when we bathe the baby or the dogs or when we soak clothes). I would also like to move the laundry-room trash can into the laundry room. It currently resides just outside the door. As a bonus, if we could find a home for the shredder in here, I would be able to lock it away from the children while keeping it accessible. My greatest challenge will be finding appropriate storage for the loose items, like the mops and handheld vacuum (which is oh-so-safely stored right under the previously-described-as-generally-wet sink).

(Note the overflow into the hall.) I should also explain here that the reason so much laundry is lingering rather than being put away is because I'm in the process of reorganizing all the kids' clothes. Unless I want to be naughty and throw all their clothes on the floor in the hallway upstairs (as I've done in the past), I will have to tackle that challenge simultaneously.

My second space, which is a whole room, is my office. This room has been tackled time and time again, often with the help of my mother, only to end up the family dumping space again (and, admittedly, my stash-n-dash room). I've been better about not just tossing things in there, and I all but threatened my hubby about putting stuff in there, so it hasn't gotten worse in a long time. I also spent a few hours on it first thing this month and made a huge dent, getting through everything that was just tossed in there (versus being placed in the room because that's where it goes, not that that system has worked very well, either). I have donated and tossed hundreds of pounds of clutter from this room, and I know there are hundreds - if not thousands - more to go. Purge, baby, purge!

(I want to note that the papers strewn about the floor of my office are courtesy of my dog, who got into them because - gasp - they weren't properly stored.)

I have to add this last picture to better illustrate the domino effect that clutter has caused. Because my crafting area (office) has become a dumping ground, I have to do (and store) my crafting at the kitchen table. It's a good thing we have a dining room table for meals!

I'm very excited to have this deadline looming so that I'll get in gear. I'm also excited to know I've been doing it right! Okay, I know there is no "right" way, but my instincts have had me doing it her way, so I feel good about my progress.

Wish me luck!

Review of this week's recipes

Meaty Monday:
Gluten-free pasta w/ sauce from a jar and crumbled spicy sausage - Always depends on the sauce; our new sauce didn't cut it
Did Sesame Garlic Broccoli tonight instead
Garlic Bread - sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds for added crunch and nutrition...yum!
Tasty Tuesday:
CrockPot Tuscan Chicken from Saving Dinner served over rice - served with Italian green beans (sauteed green beans tossed with Italian dressing)
Wild Card Wednesday:
Old Chicago!
Spaghetti Night (Well, since we did Spaghetti Night on Meaty Monday, we'll do Meaty Monday on Spaghetti Night):
Morton's Roast from Costco on the grill
Sesame Broccoli (like this recipe) - had to switch to sweet potato fries

Describe me in one word

Please leave a comment with your response!

Yummy Slow Cooker Lunch 12/30/09

I had no idea what to make for lunch, but I knew I did NOT want to pack both kids into the car just for some fast food. So...I pulled out some frozen hot dogs (Nathans - the good stuff) and put them in the fridge to thaw. Then I had thought: slow cooker. I proceeded to do a search for "slow cooker hot dog recipe." I found a few things, most taking hours, of course. One, however, Hawaiian Hot Dog Surprise, only took 30 minutes, and I had the ingredients (at least I thought)! Working with what I actually had, I subbed half the hot dogs with leftover ham and left out the beans (which I amazingly didn't have - I ALWAYS have baked beans!) and the white sugar just because I figured it was sugary enough. I also cooked it on high for 30 minutes because it wasn't bubbling like the recipe implied it would. The end result was SO YUMMY! The Nathans hot dogs are salty, which gives a nice contrast to the sugary sauce and pineapple. The ham was good in it, too. I highly recommend this recipe, though I would bet money that the white sugar is unnecessary. I served lightly-buttered peas with this meal, which sounds weird but complemented the dish well. Toddler approved.

Education: Food for Thought

I would love to homeschool my children. My husband? Not exactly on board. I have searched and searched for evidence of what I know to be true about homeschooling, and I've found a lot of great resources. Isn't it funny, though, how some good food for thought falls into your lap? Here are a couple of links that have made an impact on me. Do you have any?

Why Schools Don't Educate
Is there hope for our children's education?

Menu Plan Monday 12/28/09

(Sorry about the weird formatting; Blogger is acting up on me)

• Meaty Monday:
• Gluten-free pasta w/ sauce from a jar and crumbled spicy sausage
• Garlic Bread
• Tasty Tuesday:
• CrockPot Tuscan Chicken from Saving Dinner served over rice
• Wild Card Wednesday:
• Not sure yet - probably takeout
• Spaghetti Night (Well, since we did Spaghetti Night on Meaty Monday, we'll do Meaty Monday on Spaghetti Night):
• Morton's Roast from Costco on the grill
• Sesame Broccoli (like this recipe)
• Free-for-All Friday:
• Not a clue; no idea what we'll be doing