Friday, June 25, 2010

Should I JUST be glad?

A few days ago, a couple of well-meaning people on the Internet implied that I should not pray for a better situation for my son and me because I should just be glad for every minute I have with him.  Their posts were in response to my recount of what I wish could be different with Mikey's health.  I was illustrating to someone else that we all have troubles but we can be faithful and praise God in the midst of them.  The first person replied to me that I should just be glad I have a child because some people were never blessed with a children for whatever reason. It is possible that they were trying to encourage me, but they were still discouraging me from asking for more. In my experience, if we ask, God delivers in one way or another.  Both people said to just love him while I have him. The latter added that it will heal my heart. Um...I was praising God, people!

I received some supportive and much more coherent responses than mine from my friends:

"You just keep on praying expectantly, Katie......people really just don't get it when they say just be grateful. You shouldn't just be grateful that you have a job where you go and be miserable all day, you shouldn't just be grateful you have a husband or wife if they are abusive, you should not have to just be grateful that you have a child (they deserve to be healthy too), you should never just be grateful for anything less than you deserve, because God loves us enough to give us more if we ask, and if it is in line with his plan.......God never wants us to just settle. It is important to realize that we should learn to be content wherever we are, but the health of a child is NEVER too much to pray for. IMHO, of course."
~ Don

"As I recall, Matthew 7:7 says, "Ask, and you shall receive." I do not remember a qualification on that: "Ask, and you shall receive--as long as you are not asking for too much/as long as it doesn't make other people feel bad for what they don't have/as long as you don't ask too often." Really, the only restriction I can think of is that your request should give glory to God. So, since, as far as I can tell, Mikey's health can be a testament to the power of God, pray away!

And you know, you can be thankful for what [you have] and still pray for more. Of course you appreciate the fact that you have been blessed with two children; does that mean you shouldn't pray for or have more? Of course people are grateful to have a job; does that mean they should never try for a promotion or a raise? It's absurd to think that prayers for improvement and appreciation for your current blessings are mutually exclusive."
~ Jen

I never used to pray for anything specific.  I'd pray generically for blessings and protection for my loved ones; I'd pray for simple things, like a good night's sleep or safe travels.  I felt uncomfortable asking for specific blessings, like healing, because if that wasn't God's plan, I was asking for what I wanted and not what He wanted, and that's not what you're supposed to do.  At some point, I started to pray more specifically if I could rationalize the situation: healing could mean recovering from sickness or death, since we are completely restored at death.  With this in mind, praying for healing was a more active prayer than "take care of them" but didn't point God in any specific direction.

I once knew a woman who prayed to God for a husband.  She prayed for all the specifics, from height to eyewear, except for kids (she told God He only knew what she could handle).  God delivered EXACTLY the man she pictured in her head, a man she'd never met until AFTER she prayed that prayer.  I thought she was insane, but her story planted a seed that would wait until the right moment to sprout.

The idea of praying specifically surfaced again and again for years before I started to feel right about it in my heart.  It occurred to me that many times throughout the Bible, God told His people to do something specific before He would deliver their request or blessing.  One example is Joshua chapter 6, the Battle of Jericho, where the army and priests had to march around the city seven times before it would be delivered into their hands.  Additionally, God instructs us to ask:

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

I figured that sometimes God acts based on our requests, even though He has a plan.  (This is where my head spins off thinking about how God probably makes His plan based on the decisions He knows we're going to make because He is both all knowing and all powerful and knows the end before we even have the chance to exercise our free will that He will then react to...)

So I decided to try making specific petitions to the Lord.  I prayed for healing for loved ones.  I prayed for answers to tough situations.  I prayed for specific events to come to pass.  Some of my requests were answered directly, some were not (though I'm sure God answered them in some form).  With each small exercise of this new type of faith, that very faith grew stronger, like a muscle.

Some months went by and we found ourselves neck deep in Mikey's health issues.  At this point, I'd found peace in my current situation.  I'd found hope for many of our problems just by praising God.  All our issues has come together to the most difficult intersection yet: Mikey's surgery.  Every day I imagined a perfect surgery and recover, and every night I prayed for healing.  One night, it occurred to me to imagine that perfect scenario as my prayer.  I did, and, as expected, God delivered.  I exercised that expectant-faith muscle again over the next few days.  I recounted that week of faith in a previous post.

Time and again, God has urged me to put more weight on my expectant-faith muscle, and He's put me in touch with others who pray expectantly, a facebook page called "I Expect God to Act!!"  Interestingly, it was in this facebook page that I encountered the two people who inspired this post.  Here was my post:

"I'm wondering why God won't make my son breastfeed or at least give me enough milk to pump. I also wonder why my son's had major surgery at 6mo, a feeding tube, physical therapy and now a helmet. I just pray and trust He has His reasons."

God knows I still struggle, but He knows I have great faith and that all I need is a little patience, as He reminded me recently.  Having patience and praying for improvement aren't mutually exclusive, to borrow Jen's logic.

Well, I apologize for being all over with this post, but it's a complex idea, being content and still praying for more.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wednesday's Reading Day Giveaway at Coupon Geek

Anyone who knows me knows I am obsessed with books, for me and for my kids.  I am very excited to see any book giveaway, but most excited when the giveaway is for children's books!  Coupon Geek is hosting a children's book giveaway this week.  You may enter through Friday.  Find the giveaway here.

While we're on the topic of children's books, I'd love to hear about your favorites.  Please leave me a comment!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Mikey (Quick) Update 6/18/10

Mikey is still struggling to overcome his upper-body weakness and head tilt. We have started the process of getting him a DOC Band (cranial helmet) for his Brachycephaly with Plagiocephaly (bulging and flatness of the head). He is doing well with oral feeding and no longer requires a feeding tube!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Like a child trusts a father

For a long time, I've had a desire to really explore our need to view God the way a child views a parent: all knowing, all powerful, forever loving, doing all for our good.  I believe the desire has come from listening to CDs of Bible songs in the car with Ellie, desiring to recapture the pure joy those songs brought me in - say - Vacation Bible School summer after summer.  I have had an image in my head of the pastor preaching about this need for childlike faith while all the songs during the service are Bible songs.  It's a silly little daydream, but the idea captivates me more than I can say.

Yesterday I realized God has been telling me exactly what I want to badly for Mikey, my seven-month-old son to understand.  It stunned me a bit when that realization hit, like an electric shock.  I didn't think at the time, however, about my recent fascination with the child/parent/God analogy.  (Perhaps my fascination was created by God to better prepare me for understanding yesterday's lesson?)

Recently I experienced the outcome of childlike faith.  Let me share my accounts of those moments of faith here as I shared them on facebook:

A little moment of praise: I prayed for my son's surgery this past Tuesday, and God delivered the surgery and recovery EXACTLY as I had prayed for it, right down to how long the surgery took (which I prayed would be an hour, even though they told me 1.5-2 hours)! I've never prayed so specifically, and this experience just blows me away!

Another moment of praise: Twice this week I prayed "Jesus take the pain away," once for my son and once for a stranger in the ER, and both times they found relief in about two minutes! The best part? The stranger had NO IDEA I was praying for him; there was a curtain between us and I wasn't saying anything out loud!

Tonight I am in the position of forcibly staying awake to wait for my next pumping session (since sleeping for 30 minutes and expecting to wake up and get out of bed is unreasonable for me).  I sat down at my computer and had to wake it up.  I felt the urge to do another time out lesson while I waited.  I figured I should read the lesson I skipped yesterday.  The lesson is entitled "Heavenly Father."  The scripture verse is Mark 10:15-16:

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them."

The lesson goes on to talk about how we lose our childlike faith, but God can help us get it back.  I think God timed this lesson so that I would be able to reflect on my own process of getting back my childlike faith over the last few months.  I admit I do feel a touch nostalgic recounting all of this, like wrapping up a long-worked-on project.  But I know that I'm not done with this.  I know I have to keep working on my childlike faith by fully giving to God everyday in prayer and being open to receiving whatever blessings and answers he returns.

What can you give to God today?