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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Quickie Mikey Update 9/21/10

His leg is broken.  He has a "minimal fracture" that is causing discomfort, so the orthopedic surgeon put a cast on.  He will have it three weeks.  The week after that, he gets his helmet off!  Our visit with the geneticist isn't until next week; I was confused.  I have no idea how I could have gotten my dozens of appointments mixed up...

Saturday, September 18, 2010

New Mikey Happenings 9/17/10

This morning (well, yesterday now...it's after 1am) I stepped out of the room to grab Ellie's clothes, leaving the children alone together for about five seconds.  I heard Mikey cry - not cry out like he'd been hurt, just start crying like he was already hurting - and I ran in to see Ellie backing away.  She'd been playing with him by putting a blanket on him, so I figured she accidentally leaned on his arm or leg; it wouldn't be the first time.  Mikey's arm was a bit red, like Ellie had leaned on it, but nothing special.  I uncovered Mikey and discovered his leg was bright red and blue, like it was starting to bruise.  My first thought was that it was broken.  I picked him up and tickled his foot, and he reacted appropriately, so while I thought there still could be a fracture, I figured the leg wasn't really broken.

Mikey was inconsolable.  He wasn't hysterical or anything; he just whimpered and moaned and wouldn't settle. I left a message for the triage nurse at the pediatrician.  By the time she called me back, Mikey was settled with a bottle, but he didn't want me to move or press on his leg and he wouldn't bear weight on it.  She recommended we visit the ER or urgent care as soon as possible.  Mikey was alternating between sleeping and crying suddenly.  I ran errands until urgent care opened at noon (it's a special pediatric urgent care).  The doctor also suspected a break, but the x-ray looked clear.  Still, the doctor seemed dubious and urged us to go to the ER for a better x-ray if Mikey continued to be uncomfortable.

Mikey continued his sleep/cry "nap" at home before finally settling into actual uninterrupted sleep.  When he woke up because he was hungry, I observed that the leg was BRIGHT red and hot.  It stayed that way for at least a half hour.  I called Mike home from work, and by the time he arrived, Mikey had quite suddenly calmed and fallen asleep.  When I put him in his carseat, his leg was normal again.  I took him to the ER anyway.

I've long suspected Mikey has Raynaud's Syndrome.  (That's a long story for another day.)  The doctors are all reluctant to diagnose him because he's so young.  Evidently, you don't diagnose babies with it because you could be wrong.  I haven't pushed the issue because it would only affect Mikey at this time if he had open-heart surgery.  Nevertheless, I brought up his history and my suspicions, and both the ER doctor and PA agreed this appears to be textbook Raynaud's (both episodes, this morning and this afternoon).

However, the doctor wanted to also rule out an infection that could cause the pain.  The results were negative, but the x-rays showed something suspicious right at the most tender part of Mikey's leg.  The PA ordered a comparison x-ray, which confirmed the suspicious area is only in the affected leg.  So now Mikey's in a splint until we can see an orthopedist this week.


We appear to have gotten a diagnosis we've been pursuing, which is a relief for me, but poor, good-natured Mikey.  He's like a sitting duck for health problems.  The PA tentatively suggested a genetic bone disease, so it's a good thing we're headed to the geneticist this week.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

SCL Week 2 Day 3

I combined the first few week's exercises, so I'm sort of skipping ahead.  During the last week of tracking, we were supposed to observe any mental pictures that we have when our impulses soar.  My images weren't the same, any more than my triggers were the same.  Basically, my mind magnified whatever trigger caused me to feel bad.  If it was a mess in the kitchen, I felt like I was on an episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive.  If it was a mess in the family room, I pictured Ellie perpetually tearing apart the house with no idea of taking care of possessions.  If it was a glimpse of myself in the mirror or being winded after climbing the stairs, I pictured myself 250 pounds with diabetes and heart disease.  I have no control over these images, but the same image always appears after the same type of trigger.  I am just now to the part in the book where we explore controlling our flesh, and I hope there's something about changing our mind's images.  That certainly seems to be the next step for me.

As for the time-of-day triggers, I realize now that being tired makes me especially vulnerable, and those are the two times of the day, followed closely by lunchtime, when I feel the most tired.  Simple as that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I failed today...

...publicly.

God slapped my wrist and put me in timeout in front of all my friends.  Embarrassing?  Absolutely.

Then again, we learn from our mistakes, right?  (Well, that's the hope, anyway.)

What did I learn?  Let's just say I got further on the praying-before-speaking path of enlightenment.  I did remember to pray after I opened the can of worms.  Maybe that preserved my integrity a shred.

Any other takeaways?  I hope my ownership of my very public reproof will be a testimony to the grace of God.

Were you looking for more?  Look for my post about my personal struggle with picking your battles.

Friday, September 10, 2010

SCL Week 1 Day 4

I've noticed a couple of important patterns.  First, my self esteem has dropped every day at 11am and 9pm.  Could that be due to something in my routine, or is it physiological?  Second, my self esteem is based greatly on Ellie's attitude.  I seem to blame myself entirely for her crankiness.  Sure, sometimes I screw up the routine or don't give her enough attention, but sometimes she's just cranky!  I need to a) make sure I'm doing my best and b) learn to let it go, even when I haven't done my best.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

SCL Week 1 Day 2

I wasn't feeling too great about myself last night, but I did get out of bed and do all the dishes, which helped.  I started to see how I am capable of holding myself accountable; I didn't think that was possible before.

Today I felt really good about myself all day.  My dips involved french fries, television and general tiredness.  Some of my triggers are avoidable bad habits, but some are natural.  Either type will require a type of programming: deprogramming the bad habits or writing new programs to execute in the event of the natural triggers.  Actually, I like the idea of creating new habits rather than breaking bad habits.  It's far more positive.  This is all just thinking "out loud," as the trigger discovery process takes more than 24 hours.  I'm starting to see chicken-and-the-egg-type patterns emerging, though: actions and habits/thoughts/feelings are not causing each other in the order I previously thought.  For example, I don't feel bad about myself because I lose my temper; I lose my temper because I feel bad about myself.  That one was eye opening!

I also discovered quantum theory at work here (think Schrodinger's Cat - the observer affects the observed).  The more I think about how I view myself, the more positively I view myself.  One reason is I think back over the day so far and recount all I've accomplished.  Another is that logging my "poor me" status motivates me to do something productive.  I suspect the same snowball effect would happen a lousy-me day, but we'll have to see.  At this rate, I might not have any!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Spirit-Controlled Living

A few days ago I wrote about finding a book I didn't know I had called Spirit-Controlled Living.  I read the first and second chapters, which left me with the first week's assignment.  I barely remember to go to the bathroom these days, so it is no surprise that I forgot to do the first assignment, which requires hourly attention.  Even though I did not start, much less complete, the first assignment, I read ahead as I usually do.  I've now read the first three week's assignments, and I haven't done a single thing.  Last night I realized that I'm just wasting my time reading this book if I don't do the work.

I decided I would start today.  I woke up at 6:45, thought about the assignment, and decided to wait until 7:00 to start, since it is supposed to be an on-the-hour thing.  Big surprise: I forgot.  I didn't remember until about 3:00 this afternoon, and then - as usual - I figured I shouldn't bother now since it's so late.  Perfectionist maybe?  Yeah.  As Flylady says, "[P]erfectionism...keeps us from getting things done."

So I'm starting right now, at 5:00.  So what if I only get four or five hourly checks in?  If I never start, I won't do any!  I haven't looked ahead any farther to know how long this project takes, but I'll keep checking in here with my progress.  Oh, and I finally decided what impulse to monitor: thinking badly of myself.

Days 3, 4, 5 & 6

FAIL.

I am a master of deception...of myself.

I convinced myself, after spotting 19 Kids and Counting in the list of recorded programs, that I'm actually uplifted after watching this show, so I should allow myself to watch this one show each week.  Then I set the recording for Joyce Meyer using the same excuse.

I'd been really good about turning off the television when Mike wasn't watching and not turning it on at all when Ellie's up.  Then I watched the show.  As expected, that opened the floodgates.  I started watching Pride and Prejudice for just a few minutes while Mike's doing yard work or while I'm pumping.  Then I started leaving the television on when Mike left the room.  Then I started turning it on during Ellie's nap.  Then I let Ellie watch Cars over the weekend.  Then I argued with Ellie that she'd watched her show; now it was my turn.

Then I was embarrassed to write this update.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Days 1 & 2

Well, I felt pretty good yesterday despite watching a few shows online.  Today reality set in.  How easily we can be deceived!  You'd think this would be easier for me since I still get to watch TV at night with hubby.  If I didn't have my computer by my pumping chair, I wouldn't fall victim.  Oh, well.  Tomorrow's a new day.  In positive news, Ellie asked less for TV today and not once for music.  I wouldn't mind the music, but I'm happy she's adjusting to the silence.  In other positive news, while I was looking for something to read yesterday to fill the gap where TV used to be, I found a book I didn't know I had on impulse control, Spirit Controlled Living.  I've already fallen off the wagon by not even starting the first week's homework, but at least I read the first week's chapter.  My excuse is my inability to pick just one impulse to control.  Anger?  Spending?  Eating?  Facebook?  Hmmm...facebook...  Like I said before, tomorrow's another day.