Working for yourself can be a challenge and a blessing at the same time. While I can do my work at the best times for me and for my family, I also have no accountability. For someone like me, who has a hard time getting things done if I don't feel like it and/or don't have a hard deadline, it's easy to slip into complacency.
I have plenty of time.
I can work on it later.
I've already done most of it.
I always mean well, and I'm not lazy. I'm just a wherever-the-wind-takes-me sort of person. It's easy to lose perspective and momentum. Add the unpredictability of life to that, and things get, well, unpredictable.
I found an old drafted post about Camp NaNoWriMo April 2019, in which I had to adjust my expectations because of a hospital stay.
I disappeared in April, didn’t I? I was distracted by Camp NaNoWriMo, a fun, informal challenge by NaNoWriMo, a writing challenge in November, National Novel Writing Month (hence the name). I had a self-set goal to write 40,000 words, and I was on pace until my son was hospitalized because his finger tried to explode (not literally, but impressive nonetheless), and I lost my momentum. I ended up lowering my goal by half to accommodate the two weeks I was wrapped up in hospital stay and doctor visits (and scheduling, which can take as long as the appointment...). I met it! Only about half of that was one book. The rest was story starts, creative writing prompts and a couple of poems. It was both very easy and very hard. Some days I knocked out 3000 to 4000 words in a couple hours. Other days I struggle to even hit 1000. Some days were zero days. For never having a writing routine before, I feel really good about what I accomplished.
There’s another camp in July, and I definitely plan on participating. The inspiration, motivation, resources, and friendships I found during the April camp are irreplaceable. It also brought me closer to a friend I’ve had for years because we were able to bond over our mutual interest. I will definitely be recommending her book when she’s ready. It’s fantastic!
For a completely different reason, I had to change my expectations for NaNoWriMo 2022.
Day 11: Today I had to make one of those decisions that hurt. I had to scrap my novel. It just was not going to work the way it was going. I haven’t totally abandoned it, though. I may try to fix it later, or I may scrap it for parts. For now, it’s in the drawer. I decided to become a #nanorebel and not write a novel this month. Instead, I am going to work on short stories. If I only hit my par each day, I will have a new short story every 1 to 4 days. I’m kind of excited to see what I can do. The story I started today may or may not have a ghost goat in it.
Day 21: So…life happened. I couldn’t do what needed done, and I had to take a break. But it’s not over yet. There are more days and more words to write.
NaNoWriMo isn't the only time I've had to shift my expectations, of course. In February, I ran into technical issues, and then allergies took me out, and I had to abandon all of my blog plans for three weeks. I felt like a failure, showing "once again" that I just can't stick with it, and only six weeks into the year.
But then I rallied. I pulled up my blog schedule and began rearranging. (Thank goodness for digital calendars with a click-and-drag function instead of erasers and whiteout.) I changed my schedule for regular posts to better accommodate the unpredictability of life. As a bonus, they line up better with my physical planner. I had to rethink a few posts, and one I pushed off entirely until next year. I didn't want to set myself up for failure, so I pushed out some plans (by a lot) to give myself some grace.
As I looked at my beautiful new calendar, even better than it was, I started to feel bad about empty February again. But this time I wasn't going to let myself go to the dark place. I'd venture than most of my very-small audience did not notice the missing posts. I still had content each week, which is better than the last ten years!
Growth isn't linear. Oftentimes progress isn't either. Personal development is more like an outward spiral. Time and again you find yourself in the same place, but you have more knowledge and more experience. I like to use the saying "two steps forward, one step back" to remind myself that progress is still progress. I've also had the same mantra for more than two decades: Every little bit counts.
I've trained myself in a new habit. When I'm feeling down about my lack of consistency, I look at what I did accomplish and how it compares to last attempts. Almost every time I did far better. I've also taught myself to look at cutting my losses as making the right decision instead of giving up or failing.
This was all a long way of saying I gave myself grace this week. I changed my expectations again, and I actually ended up in a better situation this time.
Give yourself grace, too, when you need it.
