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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

SCL Week 1 Day 2

I wasn't feeling too great about myself last night, but I did get out of bed and do all the dishes, which helped.  I started to see how I am capable of holding myself accountable; I didn't think that was possible before.

Today I felt really good about myself all day.  My dips involved french fries, television and general tiredness.  Some of my triggers are avoidable bad habits, but some are natural.  Either type will require a type of programming: deprogramming the bad habits or writing new programs to execute in the event of the natural triggers.  Actually, I like the idea of creating new habits rather than breaking bad habits.  It's far more positive.  This is all just thinking "out loud," as the trigger discovery process takes more than 24 hours.  I'm starting to see chicken-and-the-egg-type patterns emerging, though: actions and habits/thoughts/feelings are not causing each other in the order I previously thought.  For example, I don't feel bad about myself because I lose my temper; I lose my temper because I feel bad about myself.  That one was eye opening!

I also discovered quantum theory at work here (think Schrodinger's Cat - the observer affects the observed).  The more I think about how I view myself, the more positively I view myself.  One reason is I think back over the day so far and recount all I've accomplished.  Another is that logging my "poor me" status motivates me to do something productive.  I suspect the same snowball effect would happen a lousy-me day, but we'll have to see.  At this rate, I might not have any!

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