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Monday, December 21, 2009

Like A Mosquito

I've been praying pretty hard lately because of everything we're going through with Mikey. I haven't just been praying for his healing. I've also been praying really hard for strength and endurance and patience. The last couple of days when I pray, I hear a tiny little voice in my head saying, "What if there is no God? All this is silly, for nothing." My mind (or perhaps my heart) immediately replies, "Of COURSE God is there, listening, performing miracles." I get so - dare I say it? - proud of myself for having that belief so ingrained that I reply without fully processing the conversation. (That pride is an issue for another day.) Then I think about that tiny little voice. It doesn't take me long to recognize that the voice is not me but Satan. Today I realized it in the midst of prayer and immediately asked God to kick him out of my head. The cartoonish attitude I held made me giggle a bit. Humor is always good in these situations so you don't take Satan too seriously and let him in further. While I was feeling so entertained by the thought, I thought about how the tiny little voice kept coming back and buzzing in my ear, and I thought of mosquitoes. I almost slapped the side of my head as if swatting a mosquito and then realized, in my very exhausted state, I was getting a little carried away with the visualization. Nevertheless, the metaphor was perfect for this type of attack by the enemy. He says the doubts in such a small, innocent way that you think they're your own thoughts. They keep coming back and coming back, whispering, buzzing in your ear, and they'll eventually suck out your faith if you don't swat them. Lack a swatter? Ask God! He always provides.

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